In Daddy’s Arms

Being with the baby is entirely different through a father’s eyes. It is more difficult since it is not assisted by hormones and bodily senses of pregnancy. And it is easier since there is a way out. When he says he can’t do it, he is clumsy, he is tired, there comes mom and solves the problem.

It does not happen that often the other way round.

Mothers have asked me many times, whether it is OK if the father feeds the baby with expressed milk. They want the father to have a good relationship with the baby, and to help them out from time to time. I always answer that it can be risky on breastfeeding, so it would be better to find another solution. Indeed, the only thing that daddy cannot do with the baby is breastfeed her. Outside of that there is a lot to do with an infant. Every interaction that includes pleasant experience for both parties, strengthens the relationship and the trust between them, helps getting to know each other, and encourages them to enjoy each other’s company even more. In the olden days, tasks around the baby were merely changing nappies, burping and taking the infant for a stroll in a buggy.

Nowadays, it is well known, that even the youngest newborn needs bodily contact, communication, rocking and all sorts of stimuli. To put it another way, beside carrying out the typical baby care tasks, you can look after the baby endlessly. There is no single touch, cuddle, hug, humming that “goes to waste.” These gestures also provide the newborn with emotional nourishment, and fill up his emotional tank, that should be refilled again and again, so that he, in his adulthood, is able to give and decide on his own about his needs.

Big hands giving safety

Daddy’s hands can often do wonders. Daddy’s hug can be a remedy for sorrow. What is daddy’s secret? He makes an entirely different impression on the baby, than mummy. He does not worry, whether the baby eats or sleeps enough, moreover, he is quite sure that the little one will not forget to breath. Daddy never frets a lot about how the baby should be held, it never even occurs to him that a wrong movement could “destroy” the infant, that he can harm the little one. The father is usually more confident and he keeps his feet on the ground. To top it all, he is not as exhausted as mom, since he does not have to get up to the baby at night, he is not on 24 duty. The baby appreciates the sense of security and sturdiness that daddy exudes. If the father is able to provide his child with this sense, he is giving plenty. And this shouldn’t only apply to care tasks. There are other areas, where his abilities can be put to use. Baby massage, for example, soothes the baby, and daddy enjoys it, too. When he lets the baby sleep on his hairy chest while reading, watching TV or having a nap, she feels safe in the close bodily contact. When he carries her in a sling, he provides rocking, cuddling, familiar noises and makes a deep relaxation possible for her. He basically ensures everything the baby may need – aside from nourishment.

Meanwhile mom…

Meanwhile, mom can be rest assured that the baby is in complete safety and surrounded by love. This way, she can relax, have a lie down or even a good sleep. She does not have to feel guilty if she is not ready to carry the baby yet. It is extremely important that during the postpartum period she sleeps and lies down as much as she can, until her perineum or surgical wound properly heals. In the meantime, daddy can do his fair share in taking care of the little one. So can he later on. Not in feeding, of course, but in everything else.

Judit Sződy